


Put my name at the top of your list

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Returns, First Kiss, M/M, Song fic, Stucky - Freeform, Taylor Swift - Freeform, post winter soldier, yellow Dots and nose kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 20:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4578057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I find myself at your door<br/>Just like all those times before<br/>I'm not sure how I got there<br/>All roads—they lead me here</p><p>{Bucky makes his way back to Steve after two long years apart and a tumultuous reunion}</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put my name at the top of your list

**Author's Note:**

> heavily inspired by "The Last Time" by Taylor Swift https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDXyG7Z1nVY

Fire, explosions and the looming threat of death dance around Steve and Bucky. In an instant everything shifts and Bucky is knocked off balance by a single sentence. A promise made too many years ago and oh god this is _Steve_ that is bleeding and slipping away under his fingertips. There's no time to dredge up ancient memories and feelings that seemed vaguely familiar. The pale face had filled out with time and blonde hair stood up all over but it was him - the person from his dreams. After the last time he'd mentioned him they'd wiped him and he'd cried not only because of the gut wrenching pain but because he wanted to hold onto the memory of baby blue eyes. He'd wanted to drop to his knees and plead until his voice went out but he didn't. He'd only just found him again and he longed to hold on tight to the only tangible proof that he'd been human at one point but that beautiful boy was quickly falling to the water below. For a moment he weighed the options - let him die having completed his mission or release his hold on the hellicarrier and pull him to shore. 

He heard a distant voice in his head that sounded like his own saying _Save him, you have to protect him please! He's the only person in this world that matters and always has!_

He closed his eyes and slipped his fingers from the surface. The cold water filled his nose and mouth as he tried to swim - it wasn't easy with one broken arm and a heavy metal arm. _Find him!_ He swam as fast as he could and reached a hand, grabbed him by a strap on his suit and dragged him to shore. Bucky's entire body was aching and screaming at him to find his handlers - they would patch him up and wipe away every trace of Steve. It would be for the best but he was selfish - he needed him to stay alive. He didn't want to forget.

For two years he flew under the radar (that loose end was trailing him at every corner), took down every Hydra base he could reach and hopped from one town to the next. He existed on vending machine crackers and water when he could afford it. His mission was at last complete and his mind was constantly bombarded with memory after memory - all of them including a spunky blonde haired blue eyed man who looked at him like he was his only salvation. He wanted to be that.

He spent an entire week watching him from the shadows - another week shooting gods and monsters that tried to hurt Steve. He felt like an animal - weaving together pieces of memories with the present and trying to form a Steve who could love him back.

 _Go to him._ He now recognized the voice in his head as his own and it pushed him forward day after day.

 

On a cold November afternoon he found himself standing on Steve's doorstep - heart on his sleeve and utterly terrified as he knocked once then twice. How the hell did he end up here? Easy. All roads led to Steve. He put Steve's name at the top of the list - priority number one and hadn't it always been that way?

The door swung open and Steve's breath caught in his throat. Blue eyes filled with tears but he didn't move to touch him. Bucky didn't say a word as he tugged him in for a hug. Two years _._ Strong arms held onto him tight enough to squeeze the air out of his lungs. They stood in the doorway just like that until Bucky moved to break them apart. 

"Where'd you go?," Sam called and stopped dead in his tracks. Bucky Barnes...with tangled brown hair covered by a blue baseball cap, worn jeans and a faded red shirt. He'd spent many a night talking Steve through panic attacks and flashbacks - too many nights he trekked to his apartment in the wee morning hours to hold him as he sobbed. He felt like he was interrupting an intimate moment so he quietly crept back into the living room and hoped that if Bucky left again, Steve would survive without him. It wasn't likely.

 

"I missed you," Steve whispered once they were alone and god that was that the understatement of the century. He'd been mourning Bucky's death since 1944 - it was impossible to let go and with every cold lead his heart shattered once more.

Bucky couldn't speak - he remembered those arms, baby blues, watery eyes as he'd shipped out and he'd tried to put up a brave front as they clung to one another. Those lips once close enough to kiss in a dusty bar when they didn't know how close they were to losing it all. He remembered wanting Steve so much his bones ached - the crushing pain of letting him go because for once someone had stepped up to the plate and it looked like she was in love with him. Who was he to stand in the way of love even if he'd been there all along - had loved Steve for as long as he could remember. Knowing what he knew now if they could go back he'd take him in his arms and kiss him soft and slow until there was no doubt in Steve's mind as to where he stood in his life and heart.

"Will you stay?" Those eyes pulled him in and he might as well be drowning - he didn't want to be saved this time.

He nodded and Steve followed him inside. Sam gave them both a tight smile and made his excuses - reminded Steve that he had his phone and "If you need me for anything at all - call."

"I remember almost everything," Bucky found his voice and it felt thick in his throat. He hadn't cried since he'd left Steve at the shore of the Potomac river. He'd sobbed until his chest ached - mourned for who he used to be, for Steve.

Steve bit his lip to keep it from trembling - he really had to keep it together.

"Dots. You picked out the yellow ones and gave them to me. We split a single box," Bucky said as he stared at the framed pictures on a nearby side table. One for Peggy (just as he remembered her), one of himself (the day he'd shipped out - he'd mailed a copy to Steve "So you don't forget what my ugly mug looks like") and one of the Howling Commandos with wide grins on their faces.

"Yellow reminded me of sunflowers. Couldn't give you flowers so those had to do," Steve confessed. He'd been madly deeply head over heels crazy for Bucky even as children but Bucky had discovered girls and it was all downhill from there.

"You...wanted to give me flowers?," Bucky tilted his head to the side as he took in the new information. Why would he...?

Steve shrugged and looked down at his feet and it reminded Bucky of a smaller version back in Brooklyn. "I'll be coming home soon I promise. You won't even have time to miss me," he'd said. Drafted - he'd told Steve he'd enlisted. He'd pulled a stubborn chin up and kissed him on the nose - walked away before he could press those pink lips to his own and allow himself to fall apart. Maybe if he had things would've been different - better. 

Steve laughed under his breath and shook his head. "Its been you all along." 

Bucky's breath caught in his throat - the words hit him like a ton of bricks. 

"I thought...," he trailed off as memories floated in his head. Steve looking back at him with soft blue eyes as Bucky handed him an apartment key _('You're not doing this alone Steve. I'm not goin' anywhere.')_ , Steve sketching him and hiding the evidence when he tried to sneak a peek, Steve ignoring every single date Bucky set him up on and walking away as soon as he could. How had he been so blind?

"You thought what I wanted you to," Steve said quietly. He felt raw and exposed and it would've been best to wait but time had left them both behind. They were long past the point of no return.

"You had no idea...," Bucky said with a dry laugh as he shook his head. He really had taken all the stupid with him.

 

He threw caution to the wind and crossed the distance between them as he took Steve's face in his palms (dearly hoped that the metallic one didn't bother him) and pressed his mouth against warm pink lips that parted as Steve slid his tongue into his mouth. Bucky moaned and ran his fingers through blonde hair that had ran through his dreams nearly every night. Gentle kisses turned to desperate hungry clinging.

Bucky broke apart and leaned his forehead against Steve's - breathed him in - sunshine and soap. Some things never changed.

Steve brushed a hand against his cheek and held it as he leaned forward and kissed Bucky's nose.

"You remember that?," he breathed as he wrapped a hand around the back of Steve's neck - warm and solid under his hand. How many nights had he sat in a chair hooked up to electronic torture devices picturing that face as they erased him again? Every single time and it hurt more than any physical torture they could ever expose him to. 

" 'course I do," Steve laughed shakily as a tear fell down his cheek. How _could_ he forget? That particular memory had kept him afloat even two years after coming afloat in a world that had moved on without him when he would've rather stayed dead because Bucky was gone and he was never coming back. Nothing he could ever say or do would bring him back and yet...

"I'm sorry that I waited to do this. Been wanting to kiss you since we were kids," Bucky said as he brushed the tear away with the back of his thumb - the remaining arm that wasn't a constant reminder of pain and torture.

"You're late," Steve smirked as he sat back and took both of Bucky's hands in his own and held on tight.

"Lil bit," Bucky retorted with a grin.

"You're a jerk," Steve shot back with a smile that Bucky had only dreamed of seeing again.

"Punk," it came out as more of an emotional declaration of love and wasn't that what it always had been? _I love you_ had seemed too final with the possibility of Bucky never coming back looming around the corner. Idioms were safer. 

 

"I can't stay," Bucky watched as that beautiful face crumbled right in front of him.

"But you just got here....," Steve dropped his hands and fell back against the couch. Wasn't everything too good to be true?

"I can't let them hurt you. There are people after me for things I don't even remember doing," Bucky sighed and wished it could be simple for once - nothing had ever been easy when it came to the two of them. There was always another hurdle around the corner.

"You're not going without me," Steve stated. They wouldn't take him away again.

"I didn't come by to recruit you. I just...I needed to see you," Bucky stood and rocked back on his heels - a habit that had always given him away when something was on his mind.

"James Buchanan Barnes your mother would be ashamed to know that you're turning your back on me," Steve rallied as his blood pounded in his veins - he was angry enough that he was shaking.

"She wouldn't be too happy with you wanting to join the cause either," Bucky countered. Why did he have to fall for the worlds most stubborn man?

"When do we leave?" Bright blue eyes flashed with anger and determination.

" _I'm_ heading out tomorrow."

"Not without me you're not or I swear I'll go to my grave cursing your name and you'll never have any peace," Steve gripped Bucky's arms tight enough to bruise. He wasn't letting go - not this time.

Bucky laughed - some things never changed. It was pointless to try to change Steve's mind.

"Alright alright calm down," he chided. That tiny spitfire was still in there only in a much bigger and taller body. His outside finally matched his insides.

"That's what I thought." All these years later and Steve still struggled to come up with one liners.

"Now that that's settled can a fella get a kiss from his best guy?," Bucky crowded Steve up against the wall and he didn't protest. Instead he leaned forward and traced Bucky's bottom lip with his tongue.

"You keep doin' that we'll never leave," he teased and barely stifled a groan as Steve raised an eyebrow.

Steve gave him a mischievous smile - a challenge. He'd never backed down from one. 

"Always wanted to do that." 

Bucky grinned and pulled him in - his heart was throbbing in his ears. Steve was in his bloodstream and spinning 'round his head until he felt like he might fall over. 

It was much better than he could've ever imagined and if he could write an ending for their story it would be that one.

 _This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong_  
_This is the last time I say it's been you all along_  
_This is the last time I let you in my door_

_This is the last time I'm asking you this  
Put my name at the top of your list_


End file.
